Disclaimer: There’s a lot of complaining in this one. :) So, I sit here browsing through a ton of facebook’s of friends or people I don’t have added (for a reason) but still like to creep on.. don’t lie, we ALL creep. And sometimes I just here and wonder, “What the hell do people think they are doing with themselves?” And I know, I shouldn’t care what other people are doing, and for the most part I don’t, but some days it really just gets to me. There’s a girl who used to be friends with my baby sister, I think she may have just turned 20 this year, and she has a baby, and got pregnant within 3 months of having her first. Her boyfriend, apparently by pictures and posts is a career criminal or something, because he can’t stay out of trouble. She still lives with her parents. And I sit there and think.. is this seriously what you want for your children? They are CHILDREN not babies forever. They will grow up, and if you don’t change you life for the better, they are going to be embarassed and ashamed that they have a selfish mother who didn’t wait to have them until she could provide the best life for them. You think it’s just adopted kids who end up having issues? No, it’s kids from all types of families. I guess I can just appreciate bringing life into this world a little more than most. I don’t know.  It’s just disappointing to me that all these young people are in this “rat race” to have children as soon as possible, just because everyone else is. They are not thinking about saving for college for their babies, living in their OWN home not their parents, having enough money to provide for these babies so they don’t have to live on welfare, keeping these babies in a safe environment- not around constant cussing and fighting. Great Falls is PROOF that people are being very irresponsible about bringing children into this world before their ready. In the past 3 years there has been over a dozen child abuse cases (under the age of 5) where it resulted in DEATH. Yes, death. And it’s usually the boyfriend who couldn’t handle the baby crying. And the stupid mother who just lets any old guy live with her, putting full trust in him. It’s just disgusting to me and it’s getting old. I don’t care what MTV says 16 & pregnant and Teen Mom have glamorized teen pregnancy to the fullest. Kids thrive off of drama, and what more drama-fillled situation is there than pregnancy at a young age. I’m embarrassed for all these people to be honest.

But I guess at then end of the day, if that’s how people want to live their lives, than be my guest. I guess my views are a little different. You are given one life, and you can do ANYTHING that you want to. It all depends on the level of effort you put forth, and that’s what your gonna get. I guess everyone isn’t putting enough effort forth and learning everything the hard way. All the hard work that we are putting forth now will be getting us financially free in 10 years, to never work again- or money working for us- having a dozen babies because I want to :) and living the good life. It’s hard on us now, but I always remember, that once all our hard work is paid off we’ll be in a better place, while all these people who decided to start their lives SO early are going to be 30 years old, still broke, gone through 2-3 divorces, renting still. Better yet, renting from US. So thank you teen mom’s. You’ll be paying on all our mortgages on our rental properties :) Guess you guys do have a purpose.

Sorry if this sounds like a really mean blog, but everyone is entitled to have an attitude every once and awhile and this is a topic that urks me. So don’t judge me for my opinion, when you probably hate a type of person too.. “Rich people, city people, rednecks, drug addicts, prostitutes, whatever.” 

So I am trying not to leave the house and spend money, seeing that I’m leaving to Wisconsin soon, but all this sitting around is making me anxious about seeing my family from back East.

I’m sitting here watching Blue’s Clue’s with my nephew, poor little guy is really sick. Has a high temp, been to the doc, on medication, and hopefully he’ll be feeling better in the next couple of days. And now I am starting to feel sick. Sucks. My PS3 died this morning, so no more COD until we get a new one. People say, get it fixed, but that requires sending it to Sony and I think with all the costs and crap of that, it would just be easier to get a new one. We’ve had it since PS3 first came out, so it’s pretty much lived a long good life anyways.

I am really worried about going back and seeing all the family that I’m worried are going to be judgemental of me. My Aunt and Uncle mean while, but they come off bossy and “all-knowing” even though they haven’t seen me since my wedding. I have gone through SO MUCH since 2009 and feel like an entirely different person. Going through the ups and downs of infertility, failed IVF, weight gain, fitness journey, etc. The last time they saw me I was very skinny, happy go lucky, even though I was battling IUI’s back then as well I wasn’t as discouraged as I am now. I wasn’t going through all the emotional battles I am now, and I just hope that they don’t say anything hurtful. As everyone else that’s going through similar situations know, all it takes is one “low-blow” about infertility or your problems for you to be like, “Yeah… I’m not talking to you ever again. Your the devil.”

And they are not very sensitive people to other people’s lives. I have no idea why. I have my Aunt on Facebook, and honestly, I feel like that was a mistake. I feel like she’s so critical of everything I do, when it’s not her life to be living so passing judgement on me is silly. I had a status awhile back, and my husband commented on it with a movie quote from “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days.” He wrote, bull shit mama.. and my Aunt had the balls to comment as well giving me a lecture about how Facebook is not a place for swearing. I was shocked. If that’s the worse thing she’s seen on facebook, she’s ignorant. I have very respectable people on my facebook, and I still see even porn links every once and awhile. Geez. Then I posted a silly picture talking about how it’s annoying to see women dressed to the nines in a welfare office.. Which I know ALL TO WELL. I used to work with people who I had to take to places like that, who truly didn’t have anything and I would see this all the time. And she commented, telling me not to judge other people’s situations. What the hell? Of course, that stirred the pot with my facebook friends, and people were commenting against her post. I had to block her from seeing it because I didn’t want her to be heartbroken. She’s an older Christian woman who is so stuck in her ways, she’s not very open-minded to other people’s thoughts. I don’t know why I am stressing so much about this. I think it’s because if she confronts me with touchy topics, I’m not sure I will be able to handle it like a mature adult and I will speak out in anger. If anyone has any advice on the topic, I would SURELY appreciate it :)

Having a husband who is gone all the time really makes me have to tackle hard things on my own 24/7. Which is good and bad. Sometimes I really need him here, but all in all it really does make me a stronger person.

No one understands my situation. There’s so many people on the internet who talks freely about the infertility, and that’s why I turn to it for support. I don’t know anyone going through this! 

So my husband left today. I hate when he leaves it truly ruins my mood for the day. Another downside? Started my period today so I’m overly emotional. So needless to say, it’s been a rockier day. The plus side though, is that at least I’m not on my period while he’s here anymore! For literally a year I would be on it while he’s home and it was ridiculous. 

On another note, got to see our 3 commercials today. I like 2 of them, but I hate how I look in the 3rd one. I hope that the one I hate doesn’t get aired the most. That would piss me off haha. But oh well. You can’t always like the way you look. I had bad acne that week, I was peeling on my face from a sunburn, everything was just messed up. And not that it matters, but I feel like this accounts for something, the other 3 girls that I did the commercial with are a lot younger than me! 2 of them literally just graduated high school, the other girl though, was only a year or two younger than me, but she’s so youthful looking that it didn’t matter. I just felt like the old hen there. lol. I’ll get over it.

I am going to check out dog kennels/boarding today. In a week I’m headed to WI and I need to find a nice place to keep my puppies. I am probably going to cry when I leave them, they are literally my life. I don’t have children yet, so I devote all my time and energy into them! Some people may not get it, but those are the same people who have no idea what it’s like to walk in my shoes. So whatevs.

Watching 16 and pregnant right now while eating a bagel and writing on Tumblr. This show annoys me I have no idea why I’m watching it. I always wonder, when these babies grow up and see their irresponsible immature parents on the show, is it going to give them problems? Then MTV will give them their own show lol. So dramafilled. Personally, you know how I think teen pregnancy will go down? Refuse the service of an epidural to a minor. Anyone under 18 who has to experience the whole pain of pregnancy will spread the word. It won’t stop teen pregnancy of couse, but it will lower it. 

Looks like we probably aren’t going on the float trip now. Everyone keeps changing their minds over and over, and then the other day my husband decided that while I was shooting a commercial, he was going to go spend the boat rental money on some new boxing gloves and other things, so I don’t want to have to come up with that money again. Right when he comes home we would only have a couple of days before the float trip begins so we just don’t have time. Oh well, hopefully we get this opportunity again sometime.

I am so excited to go to WI next week, but I’m also hella nervous. The last time I went on a trip with my sister and mother it went horribly wrong. I felt so alienated and bullied by them. And they of course, denied their behavior. I had Toni and Matt there to witness how ridiculous they acted, so it gives me peace of mind to know that I wasn’t over exaggerating. Dealing with a mother who’s been abused for years who easily gives into aggressive people and an aggressive teen mother for a sister- it never ends well. My Mom has recently started realizing her behavior though, so that’s good. It sucks that it took this much for her to get to this point though. She’s had too many boyfriends/sexual partners to count, smoked weed regularly, relied on my mother for money for the longest time, got pregnant TWICE before she hit 19, wrecked my mother’s car (totalled it) because she was drunk with other people, and countless other things. Then months after all this happened, defending her the entire time, she finally hit a point where she was fed up. But it really depends on her mood, because she’ll sit there angrily talking about my sister one day and then next I’ll be angry about something with her and my mom will defend her actions. I don’t know. I suppose this crap will never end. Maybe that’s why 16 and pregnant is the most annoying show to me. Because I have to live it.

Well, I better blow dry my hair and get to looking for a boarding place. Talk to you later!

So I shot a commercial today. Definitely a first for me. It was super fun, but at the same time I’m so nervous I hope I end up looking ok once it airs! 

I think I’m especially nervous because it’s in high def and I, of course, have been breaking out like mad this week! Ugh!

The commercial was this: 3 other pretty gals and myself are sitting around a table eating and chatting in one of the commercials- we all have close ups of our faces eating and being sexy (that’s what I’m worried about! I hope I don’t look stupid) And as it keeps going we are supposed to look like we are trying to hard and being goofy. Meanwhile, fans are blowing through our hair.. camera backs up and you see the fan set up and someone is blowing it at us. The owner’s wife is then shown and she’s shaking her head.

A little later she suggests turning the fans off and then once the table is shown again, it’s like all these goofy men in ridiculous clothes, like armor, darth vador, a fat guy etc.. I thought it sounded cheesy at first, but once I saw it in action I’m thinking it’s going to be pretty funny.

In another commercial we did, we were just sitting there looking pretty not noticing the chaos around us. Roller Derby girls were fighting right next to our table and we had to act oblivious LOL. It was a ton of fun that’s for sure. 

But I guess I will see how it goes! 

Life sure has a funny way of making insane twists and turns (for better and worse) throughout your life. Just when you think your stuck in a rut, it picks you up by your boot straps and forces you to keep moving forward!

Here’s just some things that’s been going on lately:

I am headed to Wisconsin in a couple of weeks to see my family and I am beyond excited about that. I need to see those important people in my life, I miss them entirely too much. Besides, getting out of state for awhile will be good for me anyways. We’re boarding all the dogs, which makes me sad, but it’s what has to be done, I don’t want to burden anyone’s busy schedules with watching my little handfuls lol. But, my Grandpa has been going downhill and we’re not sure how much longer he will be with us. This trip will give us the opportunity to spend more time with him and enjoy every little bit of his company. What a truly wonderful man he is.

Then in June, we are possibly going on a 5 day float trip on the Smith River. It’s been called on and off a couple of times now, so we’re not really sure what will come of it, we’re still talking about our options. Regardless, it’s a once in a lifetime experience/opportunity that would be absolutely amazing to do. You have to put in permits for this trip and the odds of getting drawn are apparently not very high or something, but we were ok’d for the trip. I guess the Smith River has some of the most amazing landscapes and views that you would die for. And also, I’m a little excited to think that we’d be roughing it for almost a week, like some SurvivorMan stuff lol. Here’s a picture of the Smith River, Montana.

I am beyond thrilled that we took one big “grown up” step and we now have an accountant to handle our finances. He’s expensive, of course, but he helps with the legal and financial aspects of our life, making things a little bit easier- especially when owning properties. We are also still creating our Limited Liability Company, LLC, and we’ve already set up a separate P.O. Box for our Austad Properties mail. I’m so happy that we are making steps in a positive mature direction. I know people 10 years older than me who haven’t even accomplished this much for their age. But, to each his own. It’s just a good feeling to not be relying on anybody for anything anymore. 4 years ago, if we were in a money bind, we would be asking our parents- now, we’re viewed as very responsible adults who can handle our own. It’s a good feeling. We just outright bought another vehicle, paying cash for goodness sake! I’m not saying we’re made of money, we just know where to put our money to make it work for us. I can’t wait to take my realty classes and really put that knowledge to good use.

We went fishing the other day with Richard and David and had fairly good success with catfish at Loma. I caught around 4 or so and so did Matt. The beauty of that day was just laying in the almost 90 degree sun working up a great tan. It was truly a wonderful day. Especially being able to spend time with Richard, who we don’t see very often. He lives in Oregon, currently, but is talking about moving back to Montana. We’ve had a lot of good times with him.

Here’s us with our catch(s) of the day!

And when it comes to my weightloss, muscle gaining journey, well.. I am completely shocked at just how easy it was. I was never a big girl to begin with and I literally lost ten pounds through my program. Even after I stopped the program for a couple weeks I was steadily losing still. If I lose anymore weight I’m just going to look like a skeleton so that’s definitely not my plan, but I do want to bulk up a little more. My arms are already bigger than they’ve ever been! I checked my body fat percentage the other day and I think I am at about 16%. Which, I think means, I look like I’m in great shape and still have some curves ;)

Oh! And more super fun news, I met with the man who owns the “Downtown Doghouse” here in Great Falls. (It’s a gourmet hot dog restaurant for anyone reading this not familiar) He tracked me down via Facebook and offered me an acting job in their upcoming commercial! I am so thrilled to have an opportunity like this. It’s going to be a goofier role, which I am good at being silly so I am very ready for it. We shoot on Sunday. So, for anyone I know reading this, cat’s out of the bag, but anyone who doesn’t I am not saying anything, I would rather just get a text from people being like, “Were you in a commercial?” LOL. I’m a brat.

So there’s my life lately, in a long nutshell. Now I’m off to workout! Happy Friday everyone!